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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24784669">I dunno man</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Everyone is an idiot, How Do I Tag, Hurt Logic | Logan Sanders, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Not Beta Read, Other, Sorry Not Sorry, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:35:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,482</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24784669</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Am I projecting my own fears of being forgotten onto Logan? Pfft no of course not! </p><p>And I dunno I'll probably add to this and edit it but for now</p><p> </p><p>No</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I dunno man</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm totally not projecting onto Logan hahahah</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a well known fact that a Sides height was affected by how much they were listened to by their host. </p><p>   It wasn’t always this way, but sometime after high school they started gaining and losing inches whenever they were, or weren’t, listened to by Thomas. </p><p>   Payton was the tallest by far, able to grin down at any of the other sides and bundle them up into a huge bear hug, sometimes carrying them to their room when they fell asleep during one of their movie nights. He was also useful for top shelves and took great pride in always being able to fluster the others by picking them up bridal style. </p><p>   Roman was next, coming up to Patton's shoulder. He always wore heels to make him appear taller though. He's dramatic like that. </p><p>   Next was Virgil, who gained a solid six inches after they filmed accepting anxiety, finally being able to know for certain that Thomas understood his role and didn’t hate him for it. He was just a bit shorter than Roman, but wouldn’t tolerate any short jokes and he has bitten him in the past. </p><p>   Surprisingly, Janus was the fourth tallest. He didn’t do anything to make him appear taller. He didn’t have to. He was content with his height as he knew that if he was taller, it could affect his host in a negative way. A life in lies is no life at all. </p><p>   Next was Remus. It was quite difficult to not listen to him when he was screaming obscenities in your ear at three am. He normally just wanted attention and then he'd curl up beside the one he had woken up, staying silent besides some happy clicking and tapping from him. </p><p>   Logan was the shortest. It wasn’t always this way. He used to be one of the tallest ones. But as more problems were solved he could see that Thomas and the others were beginning to struggle to listen to him, their attention slowly dwindling along with those precious inches that he cared for all too much no matter how much he denied it. </p><p>   He had gained a couple inches when he hit Roman with that paper ball, but he lost them almost as soon as the musical number started. </p><p>   He lost even more during the court scene, gripping the edge of his seat until his fingers bleed as he saw Janus, DECIET, of all beings, gain the height he had lost. </p><p>   He loathes being teased by the others about being the shortest, because to him that means that they are aware of how little Thomas cares and listens to him. </p><p>   And instead of helping him, they'd rather tease him about the fact that year by year, he has lost the most height of all. </p><p>   He doesn’t care any more. </p><p>   He’s become rather desensitized to it and he no longer takes their teasing about his height, instead spitting out harsh facts to make them shut up. </p><p>    The turning point was when he discovered that Remus, the goddamn d u k e who they spent an entire hour or so talking about how he doesn’t affect you and how he doesn’t matter in any physical way, was taller than him. </p><p>   He had silently looked up at him before closing the book Roman had gifted him, packing up his computer, and hiding himself in his room. </p><p>    He stayed there for a month, silently struggling to convince himself that he mattered, comforting himself with what he thought to be facts. </p><p>   You are essential to Thomas's survival. </p><p>   Without you he would be insane. </p><p>   You are needed. </p><p>   And so he stayed in his room, his emotions and hope slowly withering away with each day that the others didn’t look for him. </p><p>   He was still doing his job after all. </p><p>   The day he heard a knock on the door he practically sprinted there, answering the door to Roman looking down at him </p><p>   “Can you come out? We kinda need to film a Sanders sides episode.” </p><p>   Logan's heart sank to his feet and then lower as he shut the door and locked it, sinking to the ground and curling up against the door where he could here Roman's heavy sigh then receding footsteps. </p><p>   They had only come to him when they needed him.</p><p>    He thought they were a goddamn famILY. </p><p>   He shrank six inches that night. </p><p>   Still more time passed and he rarely left his room, once a week at most.</p><p>   The others didn’t seem to care much. </p><p>   They seemed to have forgotten him as he became smaller and smaller along with his fondness for those he would have done anything for. </p><p>   One day however, he decided to help out with the filming, rising up in his spot. </p><p>   The others didn’t even notice him, Roman and Patton too busy laughing and grinning at each other, Virgil silently watching them with a small smile. </p><p>   They didn’t see him until he raised his voice, they didn’t care enough to look where their friend used to stand. </p><p>   And when they did God he wished he had stayed in his room. </p><p>   Patton started squealing when he saw him, over joyed to finally be able to use some of the puns he had been longing to use. </p><p>   Roman was well…. Roman. </p><p>   And Virgil compared him to a child, grinning in amusement when Logan had to grab a stool to stand on. </p><p>   And Thomas did the worst thing of all. </p><p>   He let them. </p><p>   You would think that such a state would give the Logical Male s o m e form of voice in the conversation, but no, he isnt listened to. Not really. </p><p>   That is… until he snapped. </p><p>   All those weeks alone, praying for someone to come get him for those so cherished family meals and movie nights. All he wanted was someone to w a n t him. </p><p>   And they mocked him. </p><p>  So he tore them apart. </p><p>   And when you are designed to notice everything, to calculate everything, you know things that even those around you don’t know about them. </p><p>   He didn’t need Deceit to call them out this time. </p><p>   He screamed and yelled until his face was red, glaring at everyone with eyes filled with hatred and tears that he wouldn't let fall. </p><p>  He ripped the jacket away from Patton's shoulders, tearing it apart at the seams until it was nothing but a few scraps of unsalvageable fabric. </p><p>   He summoned the book that Roman had written for him, the pages wrinkled and curled from love and use. And he tore it in front of him, looking heartless as he did so. </p><p>   He turns to Virgil and says what the anxious side had always feared the others saying. </p><p>   He breaks them. </p><p>  And his only regret when he sank down out of that room where he used to stand with those he considered family, his only regret, was that he hadn’t done it sooner. </p><p>   Roman looked down in silent horror at the paper scraps by his feet, bending down and weakly pawing through them as his eyes filled with tears, the sounds of Patton's sobs and Virgil's panicked breathing falling on deaf ears as he mourned the loss of his friend. </p><p>   Patton curled up on the ground and sobbed, wondering how he could do that to someone he cared for so deeply. He never knew how their words affected him, he had barely noticed the empty seat at the table. And now he wondered if he would ever even hear Logan ranting about something he found fascinating again. </p><p>    Virgil curled up into himself, his hood firmly over his ears as he sobbed and rocked himself, desperately trying to calm himself using the method Logan taught him, remembering the times they would spend together on the roof, just talking and laying next to each other for warmth. The memories didn’t help. </p><p>   And Thomas simply curled up on his couch, his eyes glassy with tears as he tried to process what had just happened. There was no way it actually happened. This was a bad dream. He would wake up soon. He didn’t.</p><p>   Logan rose up into his room, his shoulders slumping as he started sobbing, slamming his fists to the wall until blood smeared on the previously perfectly, the red warmth mixing with salty tears he finally let fall. </p><p>   When he was finished, he didn’t feel any better. If anything he felt worse, the emptiness welling up in him hurting so much worse than that torrent of emotions he had previously suffered. </p><p>  He slowly pushed himself up, methodically washing and cleaning his torn hands before making sure the others couldn’t get in even with Thomas's help, curling up on his bed when he was finished, hugging himself tightly and wishing the others cared enough to come talk to him. </p><p>   He knew it wasn’t over. </p><p>   But he couldn’t seem to find the energy to care at that moment.</p>
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